So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
