Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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