So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
