he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
