it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
