4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
