I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
