all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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