Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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