where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
