I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I wear drunk well.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
