Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
