if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I want to have your abortion
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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