there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I need a beard to bite.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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