Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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