I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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