I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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