You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
