Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
