Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
