I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
