VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Randomize
