Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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