im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
