Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
