I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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