my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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