I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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