i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
