oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
