I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
