cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
