so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
