she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
