i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
