We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
