You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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