I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize