my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
