I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
