She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
