What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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