Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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