he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
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