just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
