the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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