kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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