I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize