she was so not down for the gang bang
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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