it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
