Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
