4 words: hood of his car
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
