No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
