You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize