tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize