respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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