So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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