Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my being single is dangerous.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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