so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
