Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
