I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize