I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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