sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
