You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize